Friday, December 31, 2010

Pig Pen

The kid is not very good at tidying up after herself. It doesn't matter if she has storage spots - even if they are labelled.

The best example of her pigginess occurred after we spent the afternoon tidying up - finding placed for the new Christmas toys, etc... I was running her bath and discovered a pair of socks stuffed behind her stool. "Seriously, kid! Why are you leaving socks in the bathroom? Put them away." Twenty minutes later, she is still in the bathtub (she is 6 so I don't think she needs me in there the whole time) and what do I discover thrown on the floor - far, far away from her laundry hamper? The socks. Her excuse? "I was going really fast and got distracted." I call piggy poop on that excuse!

Sadly, the messy gene is genetic. My boss can confirm that from the state of my desk. Although I swear there is a method to my madness (and I don't have a bookcase - instead I have a photocopier sized printer). I don't just randomly through socks across my desk and hope they land where they are supposed to.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Last minute shopping

I shop year round so I don't have to worry about making a mad dash to the malls on Christmas Eve. It seems this is not a genetic trait. That was obvious when at 3:30 pm on December 24, the kid looked at me and said, in a panic, "I forgot to get some presents! You have to take me to the mall!" Remember she is 6.

I caved since she was caring about others - namely her aunt and uncle. Plus, when I picked up my sister I noticed that the local mall wasn't packed. Our parking spot was about 20 feet from the door. And it was an underground spot. Score!

Kid gets $6 allowance each week and was able to buy her last minute gifts with her own money. Soap from Bath and Body Works for her aunt and a $5 Wii video game for her uncle (a punching game which, I gather, sucked).

She was happy. I was happy. And then I noticed the crack in my windshield that was not there when I parked 30 minutes before hand. Grrrrrr!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The joys of texting

Late in November, we were driving home from Niagara when we let the kid play with my iphone. While she was playing Angry Birds, my sister texted me. And now that the kid knows about texting she wants to use the phone all the time. So, sometimes I let her text her dad. Most of the time it is utter nonsense but she has finally realized that texting "111122222333333" is not the funny joke she thought it was. I must admit it is helping with her spelling. And she is learning her way around a QWERTY keyboard. So, I go along with it. Even if it does mean I never seem to get to use my phone!

Partial transcript of a recent conversation:

Kid: I. Love. You. Daddy
Daddy: Tell me about your day!
Kid: It. Was. Good.
Daddy: Why do you put periods between all your words instead of just spaces?
Kid: It"s. The. I. Phone.

A whole lot of nonsense goes back and forth.

Daddy: Oh. Type me a LONG message and give me some time to get work done. Tell Mommy I asked you to do that.

She didn't.

Kid: Do you. Want a. Taco silly. Silly. Goose
Daddy; Sure. Now send me a longer message or stop sending messages, please.
Kid: Longgggggggggggggg
Daddy: No more messages. Tell Mommy I said STOP!!!!! I'll come home soon.

Finally she said something to me that made me think that her father wanted the texts to stop.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Best. Movie. Ever!

That is what the kid has to say about Yogi Bear.

We were lucky and didn't have to watch that particular movie. My parents took her instead. They said it was the "Worst. Movie. Ever!" but of course, the kid contradicts them - she thinks it was awesome. She is currently campaigning Hubby and I to go and see it. Apparently, if you only see one movie this year - Yogi Bear is the one to see.

Yeah. I think not. Maybe if this was the actual ending.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Home Alone

I've been showing the kid movies from the 1990s lately. The latest one is Home Alone. You know Macaulay Culkin's movie debut.

The IMDb website describes the movie as

An eight year-old, who is accidentally left behind while his family flies to France for Christmas, has to defend his home against idiotic burglars.

The kid watched most of the movie one day. But then my dad showed up to whisk her off to St. Catharines. I just offered to show her the conclusion and she got all freaked out and said, "that's the one with all the Mommy's in it." I replied, "no, the one where the Mommy forgets her son and goes to Paris". She says, "yeah that's the one - the one with all the mummies!" (and she pantomimed a zombie).

I don't know about you, but I don't recall zombies and mummies attacking Kevin McCallister. But then, I don't remember Elizabeth Bennet dating or hunting zombies in Pride and Prejudice but I keep seeing Pride and Prejudice and Zombies at the bookstore.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Taco Bell

The kid loves Taco Bell. She's fond of McDonald's but she really, really loves Taco Bell. It has nothing to do with the stupid toys. I don't actually think Taco Bell gives toys. And she devours the whole thing.

I hate Taco Bell. There is nothing there I will eat. So, it is something special for hubby to do with the kid. You'd think she had died and gone to heaven when we decide to have a meal at a mall food court that has a Taco Bell in it.

Friday, December 24, 2010


When the kid was 2, our daycare provider gave us a bottle of homemade ice-cream topping for Christmas. She gave it to us on Christmas Eve.

Thus began our crazy family tradition. On Christmas Eve we eat ice-cream for dinner! The kid thinks it is awesome and is always bringing it up. She hasn't caught on that this always happens on Christmas Eve.

She also hasn't caught on that we have a big "snack" around 5 pm. Followed by the ice-cream dinner at around 6:30 or 7 pm. Usually our snack is Chinese food. I wonder how much longer I can get away with claiming that dessert is dinner?

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Is it a stocking or a garbage bag?

Our stockings are huge. As big as garbage bags. It's a tradition that my parents started when I was born. All our Santa gifts had to fit in the stocking. And they were always quite full of cool toys. I remember my sister's was filled with Littlest Pet Shop and Polly Pocket toys in the 90s. I got lots of She-ra, Strawberry Shortcake and My Little Ponies. There are 8 years between my sister and I.

Santa has left the kid items that don't fit in the stocking. One year she got a Little Tikes make-up desk. It was her #1 item and Santa (with a little help from Hubby's parents) made it happen.

I collect items throughout the year for this. The only problem with this is that I tend to accumulate too much to fit in the stocking. That's why hubby and my stocking will feature a few items that were meant for the kid. Oops. We'll share with her. I promise.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Registered Trademarks

The kid has thought a lot more about her restaurant. She has decided that she wants to make it more of a Fast Food place. Sort of like Mandarin, Taco Bell and Lone Star. She wanted to name it Lone Star Taco Bell.

This led to a big discussion on how names are trademarked, franchises and all that. So, in a few years when she is ready to register her restaurant's name - she's going to talk to a lawyer. If none of her friends are lawyers she'll talk to my friends or the lawyers that work with her aunt. It's all planned out.

I know that you will want to hear more about this restaurant. It is going to be called Make it Yourself. She came up with the name and concept all by herself. It will be an all you can eat affair where you can make your own pizza, tacos, burgers, etc... Although she did tell me that she would cook the meat for people - they basically just have to assemble it themselves. She's really put a lot of thought into her plan. Now to teach her about business plans.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The best laid plans

This week the kid was supposed to spend quality time with her grandparents in Niagara. This was hubby and I could go to work as normal and have a little quiet time before the holidays.

My dad picked her up on Sunday. They went to a movie and dinner with my mom. On Monday they were supposed to drop her off at the inlaws house. We would then pick her up on the 23rd. Hubby took the 24th off to look after her and I finish work at noon. Sounds like a great plan, right.

Alas, kid coughed so much on Sunday night that she vomited. And she developed a case of the sniffles. We can't expose hubby's mother or sister's 3-month-old baby to that. And my parents are off to Texas tomorrow.

I picked her up from Niagara yesterday afternoon. Luckily my office is really quiet this week so she will accompany me to work each day for a few hours to make sure all is good and then I'll work at home the rest of the time. Thank God for giant portable hard drives, the Internet and my wonderful (although getting a little old) laptop.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Last dolphin story of the year

Kid wrote a total of four chapters about Sparkles the diamond pooping dolphin. Here's the last chapter she wrote. We'll have to see what happens in 2011. Maybe we'll pick a new animal and its poop to write stories about.

One day Sparkles and all her friends decided to go on an adventure. They went to Chocolate Land. They all enjoyed Chocolate Land so much that they were hoping to go back the next day. So they all went back the next day. Chocolate Land was full of everything chocolate – mint chocolate, chocolate chocolate, white chocolate, brown chocolate and ice-cream with chocolate sauce. The rooftops of every house were covered with ice-cream and chocolate. There were a lot of restaurants in Chocolate Land. They kept swimming along to see what was interesting in Chocolate Land. They saw chocolate houses, and other things made of chocolate – in fact, everything in Chocolate Land was made of Chocolate Land! They went to one of Chocolate Land’s restaurants. The name of the restaurant was Chocolate, Chocolate Everywhere! Guess what they served? Chocolate-covered fish, chocolate flowers, chocolate rabbits and chocolate dolphins. Each of the dolphins ordered and ate a chocolate dolphin. When they got home they delivered mail about all their adventures in Chocolate Land.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Picky, picky, picky

I'm a picky eater.

Yup, I admit it. I've gotten a lot better as I've gotten older but there are some things that I really can't stand.

Enemy #1: Bananas.
I can't even stand the smell of bananas. Eating a banana popsicle once turned me off of popsicles for several years. Yes, I should have just stopped eating it but my Mom insisted that I finish it. Did I mention that I was 20? And hospitalized? I was really proud of myself for being able to puree them for the kid when she was a baby. Heck, I'm just impressed that I was willing to let my offspring eat them.

Enemy #2: Condiments
I hate all condiments equally. I despise ketchup, mustard, pickles, relish - all that stuff. I have since I was a child. Shocking when you realize my dad eats practically everything with ketchup. The kid loves all that stuff. Freak.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Think Pink!

I didn't used to like the colour pink. Can you believe it?

Then I got pregnant with the kid and became fond of the colour. Maybe because I was hoping it would be a girl.

And then she was a girl I wanted to make sure everyone knew she was a girl (she was bald for a long time) so I dressed her in pink. And myself too so we'd coordinate. I'm crazy like that. And somehow it became my signature colour. Even though I look much better in blue and green.

Friday, December 17, 2010

"Practically the same thing"

Did you know that Jurassic Park and The Santa Clause are practically the same movie?

That's what the kid told me on Wednesday (she was home sick - nothing serious) when we watched all three Santa Clause movies back-to-back. If something is a trilogy, the 6-year-old kid has to compare it to Jurassic Park. Because, that it the "best movies ever!" It seems we have to watch a few more movies over the winter break, kid.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Happy Christmas

We're having an open house on Saturday. If I forgot to invite you, let me know and I'll hook you up with the details. At this moment I have no idea what is going to happen. The kid begged me for some invitations to give out at school. I caved. I'm assuming that none of her friends will be able to show on such short notice. But you know what happens when you assume.

So, we're going to make sure we have lots of sugary treats. And liquor. Lots of liquor.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Dolphins poo diamonds. It's a fact.

Kid dictated another chapter about Sparkles the diamond pooping dolphin. Can't hear enough about that topic, right? Right? Hello, anyone still reading... ah well, here it is.

Sparkles and all her friends all went to butterfly garden to pick some of their favourite flowers for a feast they were having at dinnertime with lots of their favourite sweets which Sparkles had bought from Sweetland at one of her adventures. Sparkles pooed some diamonds for the feast. Just to decorate the tables because it wasn’t really sticky or smelly or gross – it was diamonds to all the dolphins and Sparkles. Sparkles delivered the mail to all the dolphins that didn’t know about the feast. The other dolphins set up games and food and stuff like that. Sparkles got on her computer to make some presents. The presents were guitars and nail polish for all the dolphins. And then it was finally time for the feast. All the dolphins had fun and enjoyed themselves as they went around all the shops and enjoyed the feast. Then they went to bed.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

When I grow up...

I think I was meant to work in the graphic design field. It all started in the mid-1980s when my dad bought The Print Shop for our Apple II. I had a ton of fun playing around with that program – I made cards, stationary, posters, etc… My friend Elizabeth and I raised money for sleepover candy by selling the results to her siblings.

I also spent a fair amount of time at the cottage creating magazines and booklets. Basically scrapbooking – which essentially is graphic design.

For years afterwards I would do bits of design – just whatever came naturally – until I discovered that graphic design would be a major element of the job I was interviewing for at United Way. I found this out in the middle of the interview. I remember feeling shocked at realizing that I could, potentially, earn a living doing something that feels so much like play.
It's been over 10 years since that day. I'm still at United Way and while my role has changed considerably I still feel like I'm being paid to play.

Monday, December 13, 2010

We're Time Travellers, baby!

We live in a great little townhouse. It has three floors, plus the basement. It also is magic. As we progress from the top floor (parents bedroom) to the main level (kitchen and family room) we actually go back in time!

Years ago my hubby started setting his alarm clock about 10 minutes early. After numerous power outages both our alarm clocks are in synch. They are also half an hour early. So, every day I get to sleep in until 7 am. Yet, by some miracle, when I come downstairs after showering and getting ready for work - it is... 7am!

Total magic, eh? The clocks on the main floor are either not working, lost, or hidden behind stuff. So, we're not sure what time zone the kid's room, craft room, laundry room and bonus family room are in.

It's weird, but it works for us.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

A change of heart

On Wednesday, the kid discovered the Santa Secret. But on Saturday she decided to forget it. We were driving to St. Catharines to see Tangled as guests of The Investor's Group. Out of the blue, she said, "I think I'm too young to know the Santa secret." Since we agree, we told her that she can forget it if she wants. After all, we could be totally wrong. And we do believe in Santa magic.

That made the kid happy. So, we have a believer again. And I don't have to worry so much about all those Christmas movies that raise doubts about the North Pole.

Saturday, December 11, 2010


We had been dating a few months when Hubby (or rather future Hubby) started suggesting I “get a hobby.” Reading didn’t count according to him. Although I admired his ability to get wrapped up painting his Warhammer figures, I just couldn’t see myself getting so involved in anything other than my books.

After we were married, and I’d finally finished school, he started encouraging me to choose a hobby again. But nothing really caught my fancy. Until I discovered Scrapbooking. I bet he wishes he hadn't encouraged me so much now! :D

Friday, December 10, 2010

Santa Secret

It is the end of an era. On Wednesday night at roughly 8 pm, the kid discovered the Santa Secret.

It was a very sad day in our house. I knew it was coming. I thought maybe we'd make it through one last Christmas. Alas, that was not the case.

We were snuggling on the couch and she suggested we read The Polar Express. I said okay, so she ran and got our copy. I only got into the second paragraph when it happened...

On Christmas Eve, many years ago, I lay quietly in my bed. I did not rustle the sheets. I breathed slowly and silently. I was listening for a sound - a sound a friend had told me I'd never hear - the ringing bell of Santa's sleigh.

"There is no Santa," my friend had insisted. But I knew he was wrong.

And that's when she interrupted me. "I know Santa is real," she exclaimed. "It's not the Moms and Dads, right? Or is it, Mommy?" Not wanting to spoil the magic I asked her, "What do you think?" The response was an exasperated, "You can just tell me!"

So I did.

After I told her, she laughed and said, "So it's a big huge joke?" I then talked to her a bit about the magic of Santa and why we donated toys to Christmas wish programs, etc... I also told her that now she has to help fill the stockings. And keep the Santa Secret from other kids until they're ready to find out.

"Yeah, I am 6 now. I'm big enough to know. It's not like I'm 2. Then you wouldn't have told me." she said.

I told her that as soon as she asked the questions I would tell her the truth. Even if she had been 2. I think 6 is a little young to be in on the secret but, it is what it is. I did have to laugh though when I asked her if she still wanted to get her photo taken with the mall Santa.

"Of course. I mean, elves are still real. They make all the toys for the toy stores."

And as I tucked her in she told me, "If I hear the Polar Express I am so totally going on. You don't need a ticket after all."

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Birth Control

I haven't had the talk with the kid yet. She has no interest in how babies are made. She knows they come out the vagina and that is all she wants to know. However, she did surprise me at one point when she told me that she and all her girlfriends were going to take special medicine so that they don't get babies when they own a restaurant.

She may not know the baby-making process but she does have a handle on birth control. And that can only be a good thing. Right?

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Chef Kid

In the Spring, the kid decided that she was going to open a restaurant when she grows up. She was full of plans. She and several classmates were going to open it together. All her other friends were going to work as servers.

Since we are her parents, she told us that we'd have our own private room in the restaurant! She wouldalways be our server and we’ll have a special menu. Best of all – it wouldbe free! But we could buy the ingredients from her and make the recipes at home if we want.

The menu and the name changed on a daily basis.  One thing they were always going to sell was Coke.

Her career aspirations have evolved and while she hasn't given up on the idea of being a chef, she has decided that she'd prefer to be a fashion designer. For the time being.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Another dolphin story...

The third chapter in the Dolphin Poo book as dictated by kid.

One day Sparkles and her friends decided to go on a picnic. They went to Pizza Nova to get some pizza. They got one of Sparkles’ seaweed picnic blankets, they put all the pizza on plates and chose which pizza they wanted to eat and then they all got some drinks and sat down.  And then they all played some of their favourite games. They all took turns playing their favourite games.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Sequels suck

At least according to the kid. She was quite dismayed by Jurassic Park: The Lost World because she "didn't get to actually see any people get eaten." It was implied but not bloody enough for my little psychopath. Sigh. At least she feels sympathy for people in real life. She won't end up being a serial killer, right? Right?

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Like Mother, Like Daughter.

Being the Best Parents Ever we decided to let the kid watch Jurassic Park with us last night. Before I put it on I made sure she knew that the kids didn't get eaten and that the whole concept of bringing dinosaurs to life wasn't real.

I really didn't need to be concerned.

She loved the movie! I loved that she was even keeping track of the number of deaths. Part way through the movie she complained, "When is someone else going to get eaten? Only two people have been eaten so far!"

There were no nightmares last night and she can't wait to watch the second movie. Hubby won't let me show her Jaws 2 though (lots of carnage). He doesn't think she's ready yet. Maybe during the Christmas holidays?

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Books and more books

Here is part two of my list of favourite contemporary authors.

Adele Parks - I like thick books. I really like to get to know the protagonist. Ms. Parks' books are an escape from the everyday. Game Over is an entertaining book which revolves around one of the worst types of reality shows. I'm actually surprised it isn't an actual show. Maybe in England?
Carmen Reid - Ms. Reid has written a series of books about a personal shopper. The first in the series is The Personal Shopper. There are also several fun books from this British author that aren't part of a series. Her slogan is "A fabulous read. A sexy read. A Carmen Reid." And it's true.
Annie Sanders - the first novel I read by Ms. Sanders was Goodbye, Jimmy Choo.  I think that is my favourite novel by this British author.
Wendy Wax - I've only read one of her books - The Accidental Bestseller. But it was awesome so she made my list.

Jennifer Weiner - She used to write for womens magazines like Cosmo. Now she writes fun books. Her first was Good in Bed. 

Lauren Weisberger - She wrote The Devil wears Prada. And yes, the book was even better than the movie. 'nough said. 

Penny Vincenzi - Ms. Vincenzi writes epic novels. Big thick tomes that span years. British. Most recent title is The Best of Times.

Friday, December 3, 2010


I have a love/hate relationship with sharks. They terrify me but fascinate me at the same time. But I couldn’t resist swimming with the sharks at Disney World. But, when I’m in the ocean (or even the lake) I can’t help worrying about what might be lurking a few feet away. But, if there is a shark movie in the theatre or on television, I have to watch it. And I love every minute of watching the actors and actresses get devoured. In fact, most of the time I’m rooting for the shark! What’s wrong with me?

A few of my favourite movies include Jaws 2, Jaws 3-D, Deep Blue Sea, Open Water, Into the Blue,and Spring Break: Shark Attack. I don't like Jaws as much. Not enough eating of people. Too much talking in the dark.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Sneezy McSneeze a lot

I sneeze a lot. And by a lot I mean almost all the time! It's frightful how many boxes of tissues I go through in a week. It's downright sad.

I guess that is to be expected when you're allergic to cats and have two. But some days are worse than others. The last week has been awful. Usually I can sleep through the night without a sneezing fit. Alas, that has not been the case for several days now. Poor hubby! I think my sneezing bouts at 1am and 4am are giving him nightmares.

By the way, the only tissues that work for me are Royale Ultra 3 ply. None of that slippery stuff coating the tissue and it's strong enough to survive a bit. The Real Canadian Superstore has a no name 3-ply tissue that works too. It is a smaller box though.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Wish List

Hubby's sister had her first baby in September. A little boy, we'll call him Nephew. My sister has no kids. So, kid has had a bit of an adjustment to make to the idea that she isn't the only kid in the immediate family.

I think things are going to be okay though. While making her Christmas wish list she also made a list for Nephew. After all, he will be 3 months in a few days. And what, you ask, does a 6-year-old think is on a 3-month-old's must have list this holiday season?

I think she doesn't quite how long it will be before Nephew can really play with her. Right now he pretty much just eats, screams, poops and occasionally sleeps. The aquarium is at least age appropriate. It was picked as a way to "stop him from screaming all the time." I think her aunt and uncle would prefer that to the drums or girly tea set.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Chapter 2 in the Dolphin Poo saga

The kid dictated the second chapter of our Dolphin Poo book. She's one wacky kidlet.

One day Sparkles decided to go on an adventure. So, she decided to go to Sweetland. Sparkles took the stuff she needed and went to the bathroom before she started on her adventure. When Sparkles had finally started her adventure she met a very pretty butterfly. She went to get something to eat before she continued her adventure. She stopped at her favourite restaurant and got some fish to eat. And then she continued. She went to the dolphins boat stop. And got one of her favourite boats to borrow for her adventure.  She drove her boat. When she had finally got to Sweetland she went to one of Sweetland’s restaurants and she got something different to eat. She’d never had this before. The thing she had to eat was a sandwich! She went for a swim before she had some fun at Sweetland. She went to one of Sweetland’s shops and bought some pretty decorations for her house.

When she got home she went back to the boat stop to give back the boat. Sparkles went to a treat shop when she got home again. She had some fun with her dolphin friends. The game they played was Dolphin Pass. They played music and when the music stopped. The dolphin that was holding the potato had to spin around three times in circles, up and down and through the square. And they played a different game – Note. To play Note they passed around a note. The dolphin at the end of the line got to read the note and then the dolphin had to swim away to get ready for the next game. And then they kept passing the notes and when they were finally all out of the notes they played the next game called Island. They went to the boat stop they got one boat for each of them. They had to race through the seaweed square and up three times and the first dolphin to get back to the game stop won a dolphin trophy. The dolphin trophy was a statue of a dolphin circling inside a seaweed square.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Temper Tantrum

We've been having a difficult couple of weeks. Off and on. The kid is exerting her independence. This has resulted in some highly entertaining moments - although it can be really hard to keep a straight face.

For example...

Kid was having a fit about having to go to bed. I know! I am totally unreasonable. Telling her she HAS to go the bed. What nerve! But I digress...

Kid is in her room complaining. Suddenly stops and starts crying. But not I really hurt myself cries. More of an "ouch, I'm mad at myself because I am a fool" cry.
Me: "Did you hurt yourself?"

Kid:"Yes, I did it on purpose. I just didn't know it would hurt so much."

Kid continues to weep and wail. Mommy shakes her head and walks away so she can laugh without a witness.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Knick Knack Paddy Wack

Last February the kid went through a phases where she was making up nicknames. So, her friend Olivia became Live. Zachary became Zachy. Morgan became Morg.

The kid has a favourite stuffed animal. She named it Horsey when she was two or three. 

We had to put a stop to all the nicknames when kid started talking about her special friend - (w)"hore".

Ah the things we do to avoid a visit from CPS.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Ah, kids...

I walk down the stairs leading to either the basement or the bathroom.

Kid: Why are you going downstairs?

Me: Because I'm not allowed to pee in the family room

Kid: Ah.

Some days I am just too blunt. But can you blame me? It's hard to have a small person monitoring your every move.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Happy Birthday!

Today is my husband's birthday! He's 33 today!

Yup, I totally robbed the cradle. He's a whole 19 days younger than me. And I don't care!

It's so funny that all three of us have our birthdays within weeks of each other. And yet we all have different signs! How awesome is that!

Kid was supposed to be born on November 27. When hubby found out our due date he suggested that in the future we should take the whole month of November off work to celebrate (we each get four weeks of vacation each year). I don't think he was really serious but her early birth put an end to that plan.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Writing stories

The kid likes us to make up stories for her at bedtime. I came up with the initial plot of the following story when we were in Texas in March. Barbie in a Mermaid Tale had just been released and she had already watched it countless times. We've since modified the story a bit (a joint Mommy-Daughter project). And this is the first chapter...
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful pink dolphin named Sparkles. She lived off the coast of Bermuda with all her dolphin friends. She had great fun each day, doing the things that dolphins do – chasing fish, teasing sea turtles and playing with her friends. Life was pretty good. If a little uncomfortable.
The only annoying thing about Sparkles’ life was when it was time to go to the bathroom. Instead of the green poop all her friends produced – Sparkles’ poop was kind of clear and sparkly and hard instead of soft. It hurt a bit but at least it was prettier than everyone else’s poo. In fact, her glittery, sparkly poop inspired her name.
Sparkles and her friends didn’t see many humans. But one day, a couple of divers came out to explore the coral where Sparkles spent most of her time playing. Sparkles and her friends teased them a bit and tried to get the divers to play games. But the divers had noticed some of Sparkles poop and were more interested in it than a bunch of playful dolphins. Sparkles thought that was really weird. Why would the humans want to play with poo? Isn’t that a little gross?

The divers picked up some of the poo and brought it up to their boat. Sparkles and her friends followed them up to see why they had picked up Sparkles’ poo.

The divers were very, very excited! They kept exclaiming, “Diamonds! We found diamonds!” to each other. The one in the red suit told his friend, “We must have stumbled on a shipwreck! We have to see more!”

The dolphins laughed at the stupid humans. Confusing shipwreck treasure with Sparkles poop – what morons. No wonder humans are considered one of the stupidest land creatures.
The divers came back the next day with a little more equipment. Sparkles and her friends followed them around. The other dolphins urged her to poop near the divers to see if it would get them all excited. The humans were thrilled to find another pile of poo. The dolphins laughed and laughed. They urged Sparkles to poop on the divers’ heads. She thought that wasn’t very nice but her friends eventually convinced her to do it. So she did.

The diver in the blue suit was shocked when he was hit on the head by a diamond! He and the other diver met back in the boat. “One of those dolphins must have flung it at you.” The diver in the blue suit insisted. “Dolphins love to play.”

Sparkles and her friends decided to really mess with the divers and show them exactly what they were dealing with. Sparkles swam between the two men and got their attention. As they were watching she made a big poo. The diver’s eyes got really big behind their masks and they reached out to grab it. Sparkles and her friends howled with laughter. “Stupid humans! They love poo!”

But to the human it wasn't poo it was diamonds. And diamonds are so pretty and worth so much money. So the human started following Sparkles around picking up the dolphin's poo because it was diamonds.

This went on for several days. The dolphins were starting to get a little annoyed. Sparkles didn’t really mind because they kept bringing her food. But they weren’t feeding the other dolphins which frustrated her friends. She tried to share but the divers got annoyed and tried to stop her. And each morning the men would come and pick up all the diamond droppings. After a few weeks, the divers finally realized it was better to feed all the dolphins then deal with Sparkles’ friends harassing them to get food. Things were good for the dolphins.

But as we all know, things can’t be great forever. The dolphins were surprised one day when the men came with a weird contraption. They urged Sparkly to enter it by placing tasty treats in it. She went in. But she couldn’t get out! It turned out that the contraption was a cage!
 And of course we have written more. Actually the next chapters were dictated to me by the kid. But I'll save those for another day.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I am not a cheater. Right?

I told hubby about my blog a couple of weeks ago. He thinks I'm cheating because I don't actually blog every day. I binge blog and then schedule my posts so that I have a post each day. There isn't anything wrong with that, is there? If you think I need to live post (even though that will mean it doesn't happen every day) speak now or forever hold your peace.

And just think, if I get hit by a bus tomorrow, I'll still have several scheduled posts appear.

Actually written at about 9:30 pm on Tuesday, November 24, 2010.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

My Favourite TV Shows

Just because I am random and weird like that. Here's a list of my favourite shows! Thank goodness for the DVR or I'd never watch anything. They're listed in a pretty random order.

How I met your Mother - Neil Patrick Harris and Alyson Hannigan! How could it not be legendary!
Better with you - mindless but good background noise when playing on the computer
Outsourced - Makes me laugh so much!
Greek - I mainly watch it on my ipod. I think I'm a season behind. But it is fun.
Modern Family
Hawaii 5-0 - my cop drama
Mad Men - great writing. Working my way through season 2 now.
Raising Hope - funniest. show. this season.
I didn't know I was pregnant! - super duper funny!
The Good Guys - its a very funny cop show
Hellcats - like Greek but with cheerleaders
Mike and Molly - funny but I hate the Mom and sister. Too crude
No Ordinary Family - interesting.
Parenthood - great ensemble

Veronica Mars - guess it was too smart
Dollhouse - really wanted to see where they were going to go with this
Better off Ted - super funny
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - really interesting characters

Can you tell I don't like reality television?

Monday, November 22, 2010

Love Notes

That was the note I found on the kitchen counter when I got home. It seems that the Kid had decided that her lunch box needed to be cleaned. Instead of just asking she wrote me a note. Hubby picked her up from school today and thinks it smelt more like pickles (part of today's lunch) than poo. Either way, it is the washing machine and I am saving this note for her wedding. Or whenever I need to embarrass the Kid when she is older than 6.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Pure Evil!

We have two cats. The oldest cat is the devil. Her name is Trinity and she hates people. She loves the three of us but everyone else should die according to her. As soon as someone steps into our house, she starts growling. It's kind of scary.

My girlfriend is especially scared of Trinity because one night she babysat for us and locked Trinity upstairs in our bedroom. Before she knew it, the cat was standing next to her growling. When I came home that night, I discovered that my girlfriend had used the baby gates to build a wall between her and the cat. Have I mentioned that the cat can jump? We also had to come home early once because the 14-year-old babysitter was scared of the cat. Trinity was stalking her.

Trinity like to go outside and stare down the neighbours. She also requires heavy sedation at the vet. They won't give her shots unless she is out cold. But she is really nice to Hubby, Kid and me. Well, asides from those occasions when she would pee on things because she was pissed that we wouldn't let her outside. That seriously sucked!

But we still love our evil, ridiculously mean cat. And she loves the three of us. As long as we let her outside.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Losing my mind!

A couple of years ago we hired someone to clean our house for us every two weeks. It was bliss!

And then I misplaced our underwater camera. I had just bought it and I knew I had brought it back from Texas. I was pretty sure I remembered putting it on the kitchen table. But I couldn't find it anywhere! And of course, I realized this right after the house had been cleaned.

I called the agency to see if they had put it away. All I got was a big long lecture on how one of their employees couldn't and wouldn't have stolen it.

Um, didn't accuse. Didn't even think that until you started denying, denying, denying. I ended up cancelling the service because I didn't like the customer service from the owners/managers/whatever.

But I digress. I found the camera two months later. It was inside of the box that my husband keeps his wallet in. How we missed it I do not know. The only reason I found it was because I dropped a pill in the box and emptied it out. TADA. At least now I know the safest place to put stuff!

Friday, November 19, 2010

I love books

I like to read! Scratch that. I love to read!

I thought that I wouldn't get as much time to read after the kid was born. But that was not the case. I can still read a book every day or two. 

Here's a list of my some of my favourite authors. You may notice that I am fond of English and Irish authors. I`m not going to list them all right now. Let`s call this "part one".

Catherine Alliott - I enjoy these books especially Rosie Meadows Regrets and The Old-Girl Network. Her books are funny and a bit romantic.

Lousie Bagshawe - Ms. Bagshawe writes great chick lit. All about the rich and famous. Very fun and a very easy read. Her characters are fabulously developed. Tall Poppies is one of my favourites. But they are all good.
Tilly Bagshawe - Ms. Bagshawe has written both chick lit and thrillers. I prefer the chick lit. Although there are some thrilling bits. Read Flawless or Do Not Disturb.
Maeve Binchy - A lot of Ms. Binchy's books have been set in the past - 1950s and 1960s. Generally they are set in Ireland. Her more recent books have been set in contemporary time. I like how those books have a bit of an overlap in terms of characters. She's developed her own version of Dublin. I do prefer the older novels like Light a Penny Candle though. But I love everything she has written.
Colette Caddle - She's a bit hit or miss but I usually like her books. I can recommend and Shaken and StirredForever FM. None of her books are bad. I just like some more than others. I just can't remember which ones I didn't love.
Katie Fforde - I discovered this author on the discount rack at Chapters. It's hard to find her books in print but I've been slowly collecting them. Having a Kindle helps since her most recent books can be bought from Amazon. She's not a very popular author here in Canada but she should be. Love Letters was a great novel but all of her books are good. You can sometimes find them in the library.
Emily Giffin - Ms. Giffin is an American author. You've probably already seen her novels on the bestseller lists. Something Borrowed and Something Blue tell the same story (sort of) from the perspective of two different characters. Great idea! 
Olivia Goldsmith - Sadly Ms. Goldsmith died a few years ago during elective surgery. She wrote The First Wives Club - which was way better than the film adaptation!I don't love the books that were published after her death. They don't have quite the same feel to them. But the others are pretty good. Especially Flavor of the Month - didn't see that ending coming!
Jane Green - Ms. Green is a British author who is based in the United States. According to wikipedia she was one of the founders of the Chick Lit genre. I've enjoyed all her books.
Beth Harbison - Ms.  Harbison wrote Shoe Addicts Anonymous, Secrets of a Shoe Addict, Hope in a Jar and Thin, Rich, Pretty. I prefer her first three novels.
Melissa Hill - Ms. Hill is a new find of mine. She's not so popular over here in Canada so I've only been able to read two of her books - and one I could only find online. Before I Forget was the first book of hers I read. I have also read Please Forgive Me. I prefer Before I Forget. It was a little twisty. She has other titles published but they're unavailable right now.
Wendy Holden - These books are hilarious. There is a recurring character who seems a little Paris Hilton. They're all good.
Erica James - I haven't been able to find all of Ms. James' books yet. But what I've read has been great. It's the Little Things is a bit about the 2004 Tsunami.  If you're lucky you might be able to get a a collection of Three Great Novels by Erica James. Three books for about $10. Awesome deal!
Cathy Kelly - I love Cathy Kelly's books! They're a bit like Maeve Binchy's. So good! But that is Just Between Us.
Marian Keyes - Ms. Keyes is one of my favourite authors. I didn't love her last two books but the others have been great. I recommend Sushi for Beginners as a starting point. 
Judith Krantz - Ms. Krantz is a romatic American author who was writing Chick Lit before it had been created. I've enjoyed each book starting with her first - Scruples (published in 1978) to her latest - The Jewels of Tessa Kent (published in 1998). I don't think she's going to write any more novels. 
Carole Matthews - She turns out books almost as quickly as Danielle Steel. Luckily Ms. Matthew's books are far superior. They're an easy, entertaining read but it doesn't seem like she's just phoned in the story. I really liked Welcome to the Real World.
Fiona O'Brien - I really enjoyed No Reservations. She has other books but it is hard to find them on this side of the pond.
 Shelia O'Flanagan -  Her books are silly and romantic but perfect when you don't want to think too much. A great way to relax before bed. I recommend Caroline's Sister.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

My little helper!

I have an awesome job! They're flexible and understanding about the need to juggle family and work. And sometimes stuff happens. And instead of having to rush to the office to fix it, I can do it remotely. Very helpful when dealing with a website. Especially one that sometimes likes to tell me who's boss and crash spontaneously. 
Kid is playing Barbies in the same room. I decide to check to make sure the website hasn't crashed again. It had.

Me:  "*&@#"
Kid: "I can fix it!"
Me: "Really? You can fix work's website which crashed AGAIN!?"
Kid: "Oh. I can let the cat out."
I love that the kid usually tries her best to help us out. She often can't really do anything but she gets an A for effort!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Technically accurate advertising

This summer we went to Bermuda. We decided to rent a cottage instead of staying in a hotel. That way we'd have more room (separate bedrooms and two bathrooms) for the same amount and get to use the ferry system. I looked around before finally settling on a place. It was gorgeous and perfect for us. They even offered free wifi! 

After we got settled I talked to the owner and asked about a wifi code. That's when I discovered that "free wifi" actually meant "if you stand in a couple of spots on the property you can steal wifi from the neighbours."

Technically, I suppose the advertising was free. And least it meant that we didn't spend any time surfing the web.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Do I look that stupid?

We tucked the kid in and kissed her good night.

"Now don't come upstairs again until it is your bedtime." she called out to us.

Right, because we are morons and don't know that you are going to proceed to screw around and play games and stuff instead of going to sleep. I think she really believes that by telling us not to go upstairs we'll ignore all the strange noises going on upstairs.

It's cute. But very wrong. Here comes Monster Mummy.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Dramatically ill

The kid hopped into bed with us on Sunday morning for a cuddle. She explained that she was coming for a snuggle because she felt sick and was afraid she might throw up. She seemed fine to me and I was tired so I ignored her.

After about 10 minutes of the kid trying to occupy as much of our bed as possible she announced that she was going to go downstairs for some breakfast and then come right back up (after eating). I suggested she watch one of her Barbie movies.

"Great idea!" she exclaimed, "That always makes me feel better! I also have a headache - I have a combo-sickness!"

Thankfully she was already halfway down the stairs so she didn't hear hubby and I laugh about her "combo-sickness". Incidentally, there was no vomiting or further talk of a headache yesterday.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Gifted? Cursed?

Yesterday my dad gave me an interesting article from the Globe and Mail - ‘Gifted' – what is it good for? He's pretty sure that the kid is brilliant and will cause hubby and I all kinds of trouble in the future.

He may be right.

She is pretty darn smart - sometimes. Her vocabulary is impressive and she reads at a level that far exceeds her grade level. She's picked up addition, subtraction and a bit of multiplication and division without too much trouble.

But she can also be a complete idiot. Seriously! Come on. We all know that no matter how brilliant our kids are they can also be complete morons. For instance, she can't seem to grasp the fact that running down the stairs is stupid. Does she have to break her leg before that gets through to her. And maybe it isn't the best idea to run around in front of the mean, nasty cat who likes to hit. She walks into walls. Forgets how to write a word like "happy" after at least a year of being able to spell it correctly. And countless other things that make me wonder how she'll cope in the real world.

Let's face it. We all make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. And we shouldn't expect anyone to be. We're going to try our best to place reasonable expectations on the kid. After all, we want people to continue telling us that she's the happiest kid they've ever seen!

And frankly, all I want is for her to be happy.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Totally Random

I went to tuck the kid in for bed the other night. Random words just came out of her mouth.

"cocktail, drink, big bash"

Really. I don't think I will ever understand the way her mind works. Have I mentioned that I drink maybe five or six alcoholic beverages a year? And her dad is not supposed to drink because of all the medications he is on? Where does she get it?

Thursday, November 11, 2010

When I grow up!

The kid has it all figured out.

When she grows up she is going to be a fashion designer. Thank you Barbie: A Fashion Fairy Tale for giving her that idea! But she is realistic. She may not like being a fashion designer. So, her backup plan #1 is... a chef. She will be a famous chef with her own awesome restaurant if fashion design doesn't work out.

It kind of scares me because she thinks that jam and mustard are a good combination. And she wants me to eat dinner in her restaurant every. single. night. Bring on the Tums!

Luckily she has a second backup plan. You know, in case fashion deisgn and cooking don't work out. If that happens she is totally going to be a... rock star! Yes! Just like Hannah Montana.

At least she is only six. We have a few more years to convince her that she should start with being a rock star and then try the other stuff if that doesn't work out!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Stupid Cheaters!

We went to an indoor playground on Sunday. It's one of those places with slides and various video games where you can win tickets for prizes. Heaven for kids. And for dumbass parents that want their kids to grow up to be criminals.

We were sitting on a couch by the skiball and basketball game. We watched numerous parents allow their kids to walk up the skiball ramp and drop the balls in the holes. Yes. The parents even handed the kids the balls and told them "good job." Really? Really? That's how you want to raise your kids?

We also saw them stick their kids up on the ledge of the basketball game so that the kids could always get the basket.

Wow! I just shook my head and my girlfriend and I loudly discussed how wrong the rampant cheating was. But nobody stopped.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Liar, liar

Kid has been experimenting with lying lately.

Oh joy!

So far it has just been limited to tooth brushing. Bearing in mind that because she was premature she has weak tooth enamel and has already had several cavities as a result. She knows that cavities are not fun. So why the lying?

Incident #1
I send her upstairs to brush her teeth and get ready for bed. She knows that she has to brush her teeth for the length of time it takes for her Barbie to sing 4 songs. Yeah, that's how we monitor the 2 minutes. Hubby decided to spook the kid, so he hid behind the door in the bathroom. He waited and waited. Then he heard Barbie singing from her room. He asked if she had brushed her teeth. She said yes. Caught red handed.

Incident #2
Two nights later. We had just gotten back from a night at Great Wolf Lodge. I hadn't unpacked everything. Finally got around to it and stuck her toothbrush in her bathroom. Told her to brush her teeth. "I already did." she told me. I looked at her and asked her "How?" she said "I just did." "But how exactly?" I replied. Finally I pointed out that I had JUST unpacked her toothbrush so there was NO WAY IN THE WORLD she could have already brushed them. She tried to pass it off as a Halloween prank.

Hubby caught her in another lie related to toothbrushing today. I don't know the specifics but... ARGH!!!!