Sunday, October 31, 2010

Worst Mother EVER!

We don't do pumpkins. They're gross and wasteful. Well, that's my excuse. In reality I am just lazy. We have a couple of fake pumpkins that plug in that we use each year. One is a fibreoptic and the other has a Cinderella silhouette.

That should be good. Right.


Or so I discovered at 3pm on Halloween when my daughter informed me that she NEEDED a pumpkin to draw on. Since I was going grocery shopping, I said okay. Then, I got to the store and saw there were 4 pumpkins left - they were all rotten and had holes in them. SHIT! So, I bought oranges. They're almost like pumpkins, right? RIGHT?

I brought them home and she almost bought them. Then she looked closer. "MOM! Those are oranges!" Luckily I had stopped at two other stores and finally scored an acceptable pumpkin for $2. Which she decorated with magic markers. A thing of beauty!

And she decided to decorate the oranges too.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

School Elections

In high school I ran for the role of Social Convenor. Basically the person who plans the events for the student council. It was me, big drama nerd and a cheerleader. Guess who won?

Not me. Incidentally, event planning is a big part of what I get paid to do, but I digress.

She didn't campaign. I did.

My slogan..." For a good time, vote for..."

I still don't know how I lost! It actually was a fairly close race. She ran for President the next year. Nobody ran against her. I thought about it but I couldn't get the paperwork together in time because I had chickenpox.

It just wasn't meant to be.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Coke! Not just for breakfast...

I have always been a big fan of full fat Coke. I HATE Diet Coke but I have found that Classic Coke can cure almost everything. For instance, it can cure a stomach ache, help take away nausea and kill off a headache! And it is a valid substitute for coffee. I hate coffee but I do need a pick-me-up in the morning.

I abstained from drinking Coke from the moment we decided to have a baby. Before we stopped using birth control or had even talked to our doctor about actually planning our family, I swore off the caffeine. I had read that during the first 3 months it was a good idea to limit caffeine intake. So I did.

But when I was about 4 and a half months pregnant the headaches started. That's when I discovered that a baby can of Coke (less caffeine than a Tylenol) would stop it. So, I started having a Coke on bad headache days.

During one of my neonatal appointments the doctor asked about medications, etc... And I admitted that I had some Coke every once in awhile to help with headaches. I was oblivious to the expression of shock on her face. Luckily my husband noticed.

"No! No! No! Not THAT kind of Coke! Coca-Cola" he shouted.

I guess I should have been more clear.

I have never tried an illicit substance. Heck, I've never even smoked. Never dawned on me that the doctor would think I was dabbling with cocaine while pregnant. Oops!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


I am an insomniac. I have a lot of trouble sleeping. I often take sleeping aids so that I can get to sleep.

My husband also has some problems with sleep - mainly brought on by his cocktail of prescriptions which are meant to keep him sane. He also gets sleeping drugs. Mainly so that he can stay asleep.

Kidis like me. She has trouble getting to sleep. For the longest time she was staying awake until 11 pm or so - despite bedtime at 7:30 or 8:00. We did all the relaxing stuff but it just didn't seem to work. She asked me if there was a medicine she could take to help her sleep.

 I briefly considered a shot of alcohol. For me  - not here - geez!

But, what I did do is give her a little medicine cup filled with tap warm. "Here, try some Placebo to help you sleep." I offered. And it worked. Although she did complain about the taste, "It tasted like water - but yucky, gross water." Over the next few weeks we experimented with various flavours of Placebo like cherry, lemon and lime. And it usually worked. I place a great deal of emphasis on the name.

Eventually her preschool teacher greeted me one afternoon with a comment about the Kid's sleeping aid, Placebo. She was laughing her head off. Not too surprising considering that she'd had to deal with Kid and the province mandated 1-hour nap period (or rather hell time since the kid can't really nap and likes to talk).

Luckily, Kid seems to be sleeping much better these days. It has been a long time since I've had a request for Placebo from her.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Another Bathroom Game

A couple of days ago I shared one of the Kid's new games to play in the school bathroom. Alas, this is not the first school bathroom game she has participated in.

Not the actual bathroom but pretty darn close - her school had 5 or 6 toilets in a row.

A couple of years ago, her preschool teacher told us about the latest fad in the class. At this stage the boys and the girls shared a bathroom and actually used the facilities at the same time. And there were no stalls. I'm not sure why but whatever - it wasn't a big deal to us. She knows about penises and vaginas and inappropriate touching etc...

The cool thing to do was to flush the toilet for someone else. So Kid A would flush for Kid B and Kid B would flush for Kid C and Kid C would flush for Kid D and Kid D would flush for A.

Really. We were all like, WTF? Including the teacher. But hey, kids will be kids and at least they weren't peeing on the ceiling. I just feel for the poor teacher - having to explain this new "game" to all the parents. Poor guy shook his head the whole time.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Why we have so many cameras

A couple of years ago my husband was chosen to go on a special training session for work. He was gone for a whole six weeks. Yup, I single parented a three-year-old for a bit.

While he was away, he did some tourist stuff with the other people attending the session. He brought our first digital camera with him (I had recently bought a better one because I was the official wedding photographer at a friend's wedding). So, he took his first picture and promptly dropped the camera.

And it never worked again. So, I bought a water-proof camera that can be dropped from six feet and can even be frozen. Virtually indestructible.

Well, until we went helmet-diving two years later and the camera committed suicide. But, it gave us a good two years in which both Hubby and the Kid were able to help preserve our family memories. And of course, we bought another one - different brand though.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

From the mouths of babes

The Kid:“Mommy! You're crazy! You're just the craziest Mom"

Right back at you kid!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Now that I'm 6...

According to the kid some things are different now that she's 6.

You know, one day makes all the difference.

For instance, now that she is 6, she can turn the hand dryer in the school bathroom on with her foot.

Say what?

Yes, that seems to be the cool thing to do at school now. She couldn't stretch her leg long enough when she was 5. But, now that she's a mature 6, she can totally do it. And tonight's lesson is "just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should do it."

Ah well, she's 6. Eventually she'll fall on her butt on the bathroom floor and realize that it isn't the smartest thing to do. Even if everyone else is doing it.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Happy Birthing Day

Yeah, it's my Birthing Day!

Six years ago I gave birth to a 5 pound, one ounce little girl. And it hurt like hell!

I think I should be getting the presents!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

“Running around wiggling my bum at you – that’s my talent!”

The kid is slightly insane. Her latest thing is to run around naked at bath time - shaking her bum at me. I don't know why she does this. And she doesn't know why she does it. She just does it. Every. Single. Day.

I joked to her that I was going to take a picture of her so that I could embarrass her when she got older. She thought that was a great idea. She ran downstairs and grabbed her digital camera (it is water-proof and drop-proof). She started to give the camera to me but then changed her mind. She took a self-portrait of her wiggling bum.

Yeah. She's weird. And yeah, I deleted it. It was really a picture of the floor. It's hard to take a picture of your own bum.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Happy Pregnant Women

Make me sick!

And my husband and I really planned our pregnancy with the kid. We really, really wanted a baby. And it happened really quickly. She arrived 9 months after we started "trying". Of course she was over 6 weeks early but still!

Oh, how I was excited to embrace pregnancy. I bought the books...

Took all my vitamins and did my best to eat all the right things. I wanted to be like the woman on the book. Calm, patient and not too heavy.

Yeah, that didn't work out. I was more like a rabid beast. I took offense at everything and terrorized my coworkers. Although, they should have know better than to point out any errors I made with glee. I threw up in garbage bins and on airplanes and oh - it was NOT the most wonderful experience of my life.

And then one morning I woke up and thought, "Crap, now I'm actually wetting the bed." After changing the bed, I suddenly realized that I hadn't peed the bed - my waters had broken. Then all I wished for was some more pregnant time. Alas, only a few more hours. And then she was born. And they whisked her away to NICU where we weren't able to hold her for what seemed like days (really more like 14 hours but still).

It was all worth it. And today, she is a very busy, wise almost six-year-old who continues to keep us both on our toes.