Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Sick kid

The kid was sick on Sunday night. I thought she was being dramatic. And then I took her temperature.

I stayed home with her on Monday and her temperature was almost normal that evening. On Tuesday morning her temperature was normal so she went to school. She also wasn't feeling poorly.

When she got home it was a different story. She called me while I drove home and told me about how hot she felt and that she was convinced she had a fever. I told her to take her temperature. She said it was high. I asked her to clarify. She did.

Her temperature was 98.8.

I'm not sure why she thought that was a fever - especially since we have an idiot proof thermometer that glows green if you're okay, yellow if your temperature is slightly elevated and red if you have a fever. Apparently it isn't really idiot proof.

Friday, November 15, 2013


We have a rule that the kid can't swear until she is 16.

She knows this. But she is trying to see how far she can go.

Last night, we were talking about Hitler. Our choice of bedtime topics is odd but that's a whole other story. Regardless, after hearing about his obsession with blond hair and blue eyes she asked what he looked like. I explained that he had brown hair, brown eyes and his grandmother was Jewish. Her response - and this is a quote - "What the f-word?"

We have since had a discussion about the fact that sometimes saying f-word is the same as saying the actual word. Hopefully that lesson will stick.

In the meantime, I hope she enjoys The Book Thief.

Monday, November 11, 2013

I'm still learning...

The kid turned nine last month. You'd think by now I'd have the basic parenting skills down. But I'm still learning!

For example, last night I woke up to the kid vomiting. She wanted a barf bucket. I was still 3/4 asleep so I gave her what I had closest - a clear Rubbermaid container. Which she later barfed in while I held it. Not my smartest move.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Google know everything

After trick-or-treating tonight, the kid came home and sorted through her loot. At this time the evil cat showed a lot of interests in the chips and candy.

"Did you know that some people feed all their chips to their cats?" The kid casually mentioned.

"No. They don't."

"Yes, they do. I saw it on Google and YouTube." she insisted.

When did she learn that was a valid argument. And she was totally bluffing, I think. Or she actually looked it up earlier in the day. Which meant this was a premeditated comment.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Nice try

We like to travel and we like taking the kid with us. She's pretty portable and loves going on adventures - even if it often is just to Orlando.

My mom kept suggesting that we go away just the two of us. But, we spend the bulk of the summer kid-free so it just doesn't seem right. We work hard and it makes sense to enjoy our vacation time together as a family. Unless we decide to go to Las Vegas.

We have a week scheduled off in November and my husband and I have been hemming and hawing about whether we should go away and where we should go. We pretty much came to the conclusion that we should go away but the where really gets us. So, I asked the kid.

I was thinking Bahamas for 4 days or maybe a week in Cuba. Or play it by ear and book something last minute. The kid thinks Venice sounds like a good idea. Alas, Europe was not part of the plan. But it was a nice try. I just wish I knew where she got these ideas?

I think I'll have to blame books.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

No more shopping for us!

We were at a family wedding this weekend at the cottage. I was surprised that the best man's fiancé (he is also the brother of the groom and my cousin) wasn't there. She's from Africa and I said something in front of the kid about being sad that I hadn't been able to meet her yet. The kid apparently knows more than I do about what is going on with the family.

She informed me that the fiancé wasn't able to come to Canada because her credit card wasn't ready in time.

My mom and I were perplexed until we quickly realized that my credit card is a Visa so... Visa=credit card.

Friday, August 23, 2013


I skipped lunch today. We're supposed to work a half day and I got a bit distracted. So, while driving the kid home from camp I mentioned that I was craving red meat.
Kid: Err, when did you last crave red meat?
Me: A few weeks ago, probably. Why?
Kid: Whew! I was afraid that I was going to have a sibling.
Me: No! It just means my iron is low.
Although, now that I think about it, where did she get the idea that cravings=pregnancy?

Monday, August 19, 2013

Cats are strange

Both our cats like to mark things. Luckily they do this by pressing and rubbing their heads against stuff instead of peeing on things. The cat that pees on things only does it when she is mad at us.

Apparently my glasses below to the cat. I know this because she keeps marking them - while I am wearing them. She also likes to lie on my arm rest with a huge portion of her body resting on me. I don't really know what personal space is anymore.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

She needs a vacation

Since school ended I think the kid has spent a grand total of maybe two nights at her house. It may have only been one. She's been at the cottage with my dad most of the time. Except for the two weeks we spent touring New York City and Boston.

She has a rough life.

She has also grown much taller since the end of school. I have to buy her some new clothes or else we'll get a phone call from them about her showing too much skin. I don't want to have that conversation again.

I told her we should go to the states to Justice when I pick her up at her grandparents house in Niagara next week. She immediately told me that we should do that AND spend the night there. And yes, she told me that she needed a vacation from home. Because six weeks isn't enough.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Sex Ed

The kid and I were talking on the phone today (on speaker with my dad too) about Justin Bieber and his latest exploit. She told me that he must have been drunk.

When I expressed shock and surprise that she knew how to tell if someone was drunk she reminded me of her A in health class re: addictions. Because apparently that is part of the grade 3 curriculum.

I mentioned that sex ed is coming up in grade 4. The kid explained to my dad and I what that class entails... "the boys sit around the class and watch videos."

Wednesday, July 10, 2013


The kid is as the cottage with my dad and his dog. This conversation just happened while we were on the phone with each other...

Grandpa: Guess what Webster just brought!
The Kid: A dead monster

- pause -

Grandpa: No, the pot roast container.

Eventually she'll figure out the difference between dogs and cats. You know, other than the fact that all dogs are boys and all cat are girls.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Things that bite in the day...

The kid is at the cottage this week with my cousin and her grandparents. Things are going well. Except for the bugs. There are a lot of mosquitoes. We spoke on the phone today and she had this to say:
Kid: My legs are a mess!
Me: How so?
Kid: First, because I killed a mosquito right after and got my blood smeared all over myself. AND I got bit by a horsefly.
Me: Really, that must have hurt Kid: Not really. Did you know?
Me: Know what
Kid: That horseflies circle before they attack.
And that was my lesson for the day.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Cottage days

We were at the cottage for a couple of days this weekend. It was lovely. Except for the blood sucking insects. But there are times when I think, WTH is wrong with people?

For example, when did cottage life become all about parties and turn into a beer commercial? I shouldn't have had to go over to remind the neighbours at 12:30 am that there are other people who don't appreciate loud music while they and their children are trying to sleep. It seriously sounded like a raver was going on in our cottage - despite the closed windows and air conditioning.

Luckily, they turned the music down and I didn't have to call the police. And I would have. Alas, it seems they forgot about the volume control the next night - when I wasn't there to ask them to quiet down. Luckily the girls (the kid and my 14-year-old cousin) slept through the ruckus this time.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

The teen years must be here...

Right now the kid is listening to her music while slowly falling asleep. She has it set to repeat the same song - over and over and over again. We are never ever getting back together. Thank you, Taylor Swift. I enjoyed the song the first couple of times but this is getting to be a little much.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Creative insults

The husband has come up with some new slang. He and the kid were playing Minecraft when all of a sudden I heard him exclaim, "Douche Canoe!"

"What did you just say?" I asked. Because I assumed I had misheard.

I had not. Apparently he decided to coin a new phrase. I hope this one doesn't become a regular part of his vocabulary.

Friday, May 24, 2013

The shoe saga

One of the kid's shoes was found a week after it was lost. A teacher located it in the school yard. Just the one shoe though. So, I could no longer convince myself that our loss was someone else's gain. Preferably someone who couldn't afford new shoes.

Nope. There was much searching by the kid. Or at least she tells me there was. I also looked around the school yard. After a week or so, I put together a sign for the school offering a reward for the missing shoe - the kid would be paying the $10. We even secured permission to post the signs from the Principal. Although she wanted the kid to come down and talk to her about it before the signs went up.

The kid showed her teacher the sign and the class headed down to the gym. When the teacher looked out the window and noticed the missing shoe on the roof of the addition!

Alas, we still don't have the shoe. When the school's new addition was built last year (by the kindergarten play area) they failed to install a way of getting up on the roof to recover lost balls and shoes. Apparently they are working on a solution. In the meantime, I owe a certain grade 3 teacher a reward. I believe we agreed it would be pencils. Lots and lots of pencils.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Love bites

In March the kid was dumped by her boyfriend. She was sad for a day or two but got over it quite quickly.

Or so we thought.

Last week he asked her to be his girlfriend again. Apparently he had broken up with her because she wasn't playing with him during recess. But, we really wanted to get back together. So, they did.

Yesterday she told her dad that they had broken up. He asked if anyone else knew this. "Just me, so far," she said. And she, and I quote, "dumped" him today. Why? Vengence. Yup, she even admitted it. "I dumped him because he broke up with me."

If this is grade 3, what the hell are we going to do when she is in grade 10?

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Lost and (never) Found

Last night wasn't fun in our house. I picked the kid up from her after school program and we were discussing various things on the way home. Including the fact that she had to bring her sneakers to the track and field meet (that is happening today). That's when she let me know that she had lost her two-week old sneakers. The ones that cost me $75* - on sale.

When did she lose the shoes? On Monday. I found out on Wednesday and not because she volunteered the information. And she misplaced her lunch bag today.

I took her back to school and we talked to the people at her before school program since that is where she forgot them. They didn't know where they were. We emptied out the Lost and Found bin. There were shoes but not her shoes. I think they are long gone. I just hope that whoever ended up taking them really needed a pair or new shoes.

The kid has a track and field meet today so I bought her new shoes. The $20 kind since the expensive shoe store had already closed at that point. It seems the kid had been borrowing running shoes from another kid this week. She was planning on borrowing them for the meet too. On the plus side, she made the relay team wearing shoes that didn't belong to her or fit her feet well. I'd be proud if I wasn't so annoyed that she can't keep track of her possessions.

So far this year she has lost:
  • 1 sweatshirt
  • 1 pair of pants
  • 1 two-week old winter coat
  • 1 lunch bag
  • 1 two-week old pair of shoes
Sigh. Maybe she won't lose anything in grade 4? Oh, and I checked her locker when we were at school. Guess what I found? Only two leftover lunches.

* Why am I that parent who buys a child $75 shoes? Whenever I buy her the $20 shoes from Payless or Walmart they have fallen apart after three weeks. She's pretty hard on her shoes. However, the last pair of expensive shoes she had lasted 18-months. And they are still in pretty good shape. She just outgrew them. I think I saved a lot of money by buying those expensive shoes.

Friday, April 26, 2013

So... we're going to hell...

Full disclosure - hubby and I do not go to church despite
being married in a church and being baptized as babies
(and we had the kid baptized). I don't have anything against
church, I just don't want to go. Officially we're Christian.
But we follow  the agnosticism philosophy and believe
that everyone can believe whatever they like - provided 
nobody is harmed and everyone is treated with respect.
As far as I am concerned you can be Muslim,
Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Atheist or believe
in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I don't care.
To each their own. Maybe I'm actually an Apatheist.
The kid hasn't been to church that often. We've discussed the various religious beliefs and she
recently decided that she wanted to read the Bible stories. When she was baptized (see, we're not that awful) her aunt gave her a Children's bible. We tried reading them to her when she was three but she wasn't interested.

She read them all today. Her verdict. "Those are pretty crazy stories. Harry Potter is way more believable since at least in that book they didn't bring people back from the dead.They're so crazied up. I guess the version you read is less crazied up."

At least she has a vague background on Christianity now. Now we just need to get her a kids Coles Notes overview of the other religious beliefs.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

The ickiness continues...

I did a spot check on the kid's locker today.

What did I find. Well, her gym bag was thrown on the floor of her locker. Also on the floor (and not in the bag) were her gym clothes. And there were three half eaten lunches.

Yup. I talked to the teacher. I don't think there is anything he can do about this but I wanted to make sure he knew we were trying to stop the black plague from taking down her grade three class.

I suppose it could be worse - at least she isn't taking biology. There could have been a dissected pig fetus in there.

Hubby and I then had to come up with a punishment. I wanted something that fit the crime. I found the solution by thinking about what I would have hated at her age. We made her help with the garbage/recycling/dog poop cleanup.

This is definitely NOT HER FAVOURITE thing to do.

Later today we're going to spend part of our PD day together cleaning the garage. I'm expecting child services to visit us any day now.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Presents from the cat

Not actually my cat.
It seems we have (or had) a couple of mice in the house again. I know this because my husband had to dispose of two.

On Monday morning (at 5:15) we were woken by the cat shrieking in our bedroom. She was very excited. It could have meant she had a toy (she does love a good spring or elastic band) but she was breathing a little heavy. I got up and looked at the ground. Something was there and it didn't look like a spring.

I turned on the light and confirmed my suspicions. While hubby headed over to dispose of the corpse we realized it was alive. This was obvious when the cat bonked it on the head and it squeaked.

He drowned it. Although one of his coworkers thinks he should have cut off its head. That's too messy for me.

On Tuesday morning I went downstairs and discovered that same cat lying on the floor in front of the kid's bedroom door. The cat had decided to share her presents and bring a dead mouse for the kid. Incidentally, the kid thought that was awesome and was thrilled to be the beneficiary of such a gift. We were just glad this one was dead.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Teaching the kid to cook

The kid will eat broccoli quite happily now. All it takes is some nacho cheese. I figure since she likes to eat popcorn with nacho cheese at the theatre she'll surely love this vegetable. I even made her make it.

Now she's begging me to let her make it on weekends. Let's see how long this lasts. ;D

My bucket list

I'm always had a temperamental tummy. By the time I was turned two I knew about the Barf Bucket and could get it myself and use it with no assistance.

In my 35 years I have thrown up in lots of places. I'm lucky that way.

I recently crossed an important goal off my bucket list. I finally threw up in a taxi cab. And a New York cab at that! Now, that was super fun. In a not-at-all sort of way.

I'm just glad that I had bought the husband bagels before going to the airport. They were in a paper bag and they gave me a plastic bag for them too. That plastic bag didn't hold the bagels for long. I was sure my nausea was caused by the cab driving so quickly, stopping so suddenly and weaving in and out of traffic.

Turns out I actually was sick. I went to my parents house from the airport and the next afternoon the kid and I flew to Texas. And I got to use both of our barf bags. I used mine as we landed and had to use hers while we waiting to exit the plane. This was the first time I threw up on an airplane while not pregnant.

I had a bug of some sort. Luckily nobody else got it. And by day 3 of our vacation I was pretty much okay again. And I was fine on the plane home. The kid decided I must have had travelitis from travelling too much.

But, next time I got to New York City I am bringing barf bags in my purse.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Friday Night Fun

Remember when Friday nights used to involve fun?

Me neither. ;)

Last Friday night I spent the evening teaching the kid how to clean her bathroom. It was icky. For some reason there was soap running down the wall. And you couldn't see a reflection in the mirror clearly.

So now she can clean the bathroom. I particularly liked when she tried reverse psychology on me:

Kid: You mean I get to clean my bathroom all the time?
Me: Yes.
Kid: Yes! I love cleaning the bathroom!


Me: Well, it is your lucky day because cleaning your bathroom is now your job!

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Yup, that's my daughter

Last week I looked in the kid's knapsack. It was filled with junk. Torn pieces of paper, two sweatshirts, decomposing bits of past lunches. It was pretty gross.

Which got me thinking about her locker. So, the next day I dropped her off at school. But first we visited her locker - luckily, I remembered to bring some plastic bags.

I'm surprised I didn't find rodent droppings in her locker. There were several bags of leftovers from past lunches (rotting tangerines, leftovers from Lunch Lady, little bits of old pitas, etc...), several of her outfits, and lots of paper. It was a little smelly. And horrifying.

I'm not sure why there were so many clothes in her locker. After all, we send her to school fully dressed and she comes home fully dressed, but somehow there were a bunch of clothes in the locker. And they were all her clothes.

We cleaned her locker. Basically I threw everything out. Except for the clothes which went into the laundry.; And now she has been warned that I will be randomly checking her locker to make sure it wasn't gross.

I'm so glad that I had a locker partner when I was in school. It's probably the only reason why my locker didn't become a breeding ground for the zombie Apocalypse.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

My husband is the devil.

The kid doesn't have that many temper tantrums. Usually she is pretty content. But there has been a little more attitude lately and we decided that we weren't going to let it get out of hand.

I guess I am a glass half full kind of person.

After dinner, she wanted dessert. I had bought her some watermelon so I told her she could have that. She loves watermelon. However, it seems that fruit doesn't count as dessert. I disagreed. Eyes were rolled and feet were stomped. So, I told her that dessert was now off the menu.

She wasn't impressed. There was more attitude. So I sent her to bed. My husband decided it was only fair that he take a bit of the abuse so he dealt with the next round.

Neither of them would back down. So, she ended up losing Minecraft privileges for the weekend, she can't go out to play Pokemon on Sunday, can't play Munchkin or watch television. I think there were some other privileges she lost.

It was very hard to keep a straight face as she screamed in her room and yelled that we were ruining her life, Daddy is the devil, I hate you both, etc... Eventually she cried herself to sleep. Although not before she tried to blackmail us - she seemed to think that threatening to not stop screaming until we gave everything back would work.

It didn't. We aren't stupid. Or eight.

Regardless, the parents have won this round. She was happy to eat watermelon for dessert the next night.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Another talk I didn't think we'd have this year

The kid and I went to the bookstore yesterday. I wanted a travel book and I let her check out the 9-12 books. She pulled a stack of books together that she wanted. I told her she could have two. One of them was Flashcards of My Life. It was very colouful and looked safe.

And it is pretty safe. Except there is a reference to sex in it. Luckily for us, the kid wanted to talk about this. We've had this talk before and she wanted to know exactly what sex is. All while she is making a gagging face.

Sex is pretty gross to the eight-year-old. Even though that is how she came to be. I pointed out that is also how I came to be, her Dad came to be and even the cats. And one thing led to another and she asked if people ever do "that" with animals. Yes, I was honest. Told her what that was called and that is was illegal. And then she asked me some more questions about kissing.

My poor husband. He just sat there looking stunned.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

At the movies

My sister read the blog post about a first-grader's reviews of the Oscar nominated movies based on the posters and wondered what the kid thought. So, I asked her.

Please note that we just finished watching the Indiana Jones series. And she can read very well. So, she did get a few hints from the text on the posters. She is also more self concious and wasn't really in the mood to give a lot of detail.

I tried, Nicole, I really did. Here are her thoughts. And she really, really wants to go see Life of Pi.

It’s about people not aliens. I don’t know what Amour is. I think the movie is about love. It’s in the past. I guess that the setting is a city. I think the plot is a mix of the Indiana Jones movies and some other movie that I forget the name of. I can’t remember anything about that other movie though.

Beast of the Southern WildI think it is about the 4th of July celebrations. I think it is set in the forest. I think this is a story of celebration. 

Django Unchained
Are these adult movies? I think it is about two people. I think it is a sequel to a movie. I think there are chains in it. I think it is set in either the city or the country. I think this is a bloody story.

Silver Linings Playbook
There is a boy and a girl in this movie. I think there are lots of instructions and mazes, like the Indiana Jones series. It’s a love movie. 

Zero Dark Thirty
I think it is about the greatest manhunt in history, because that is what it says and I can ride. I know there are a lot of different people in the movie. It is set in the desert. It is an action movie.

Life of Pi
This is about a lion. There is a person in it. There are boats in it. I think it is about the life of the lion. This is probably an action movie.

What? (While reading the poster) I think there is a man in it. It’s an action movie. I think there is a mission. I don’t know what kind of mission it is because it is kind of tricky. 

There is a man in this movie. It’s set in the past. I think it is based on real life and set in the United States. I’m guessing the movie is about a man named Lincoln. I think he is the president. 

Les Miserables
This is a French movie. I think it is a love action movie. I think there is a girl in it. It is set in the present. I think there is fighting.

It seems the kid needs to work a bit on her animal identification skills. I still haven't seen any of these movies.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Pottery for Beginners (or What the heck was I thinking?)

The kid is taking a pottery class on Saturday mornings. She loves it. We're not sure she really gets it though. Apparently the kids get to create their own masterpiece during the last couple of classes using all the skills they picked up during the other weeks. They still create something each week. Nothing that we can take home yet though.

She made a clay puzzle for her two-year-old cousin. Just so you know how practical she is. I'm sure her Aunt and Uncle with their lovely ceramic tile floors will love that gift.

She's been trying to figure out what to make. Here are a few of her suggestions: a giant statue that's bigger than me, a chair, a bed for the cats. I really don't think she's caught on what types of materials various items should be made of. We're trying to convince her to make a bowl or a reasonably sized ornament that I can put in my cabinet.

Wish us luck!

Because she's worth it.

I didn't blog last month. Things are crazy at work in January/early February so I never got around to it. Ah well, I did answer my email from everyday so I do know what happened each day.

And thank goodness for that!

It seems that the kid is really, really interested in all the scrapbook pages I have created over her lifetime. She has spent a few hours each week for the last month reading about the things she did when she was young. Yup, that's what she says.

And now she has started putting together some real scrapbook pages with photos and journalling. It's still very much Who, What, When, Where, Why journalling but it is a start!

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Bad influence

A few weeks ago the kid complained that some kids at her after school taekwondo class were giving her a hard time about her underwear. She has some panties with things like Hello Kitty on them. They're comfortable - she hates lace trim - and they fit. She doesn't care about the characters but I had a hard time finding panties without lace trim. These have been fine for the last few months.

However, now kids are giving her a hassle. My first response, give them the finger. And maybe suggest they find a new hobby other than looking at your underwear.

I wasn't fully awake yet. And yes, I taught the 8-year-old how to give the finger. Not really sure why I thought it was a good idea.

But it worked.

That afternoon she was teased and she gave them the finger. They were shocked but they couldn't really tattle. And the kid still wears her "very comfortable" Hello Kitty underwear.

Incidentally, I did offer to buy her new panties. She declined. I still bought her new ones when I found plain Hanes ones at Walmart (they finally restocked that section). However, she still chooses her Hello Kitty ones most days. And, we haven't been "talked" to by her taekwondo instructers.