Friday, April 26, 2013

So... we're going to hell...

Full disclosure - hubby and I do not go to church despite
being married in a church and being baptized as babies
(and we had the kid baptized). I don't have anything against
church, I just don't want to go. Officially we're Christian.
But we follow  the agnosticism philosophy and believe
that everyone can believe whatever they like - provided 
nobody is harmed and everyone is treated with respect.
As far as I am concerned you can be Muslim,
Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Atheist or believe
in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I don't care.
To each their own. Maybe I'm actually an Apatheist.
The kid hasn't been to church that often. We've discussed the various religious beliefs and she
recently decided that she wanted to read the Bible stories. When she was baptized (see, we're not that awful) her aunt gave her a Children's bible. We tried reading them to her when she was three but she wasn't interested.

She read them all today. Her verdict. "Those are pretty crazy stories. Harry Potter is way more believable since at least in that book they didn't bring people back from the dead.They're so crazied up. I guess the version you read is less crazied up."

At least she has a vague background on Christianity now. Now we just need to get her a kids Coles Notes overview of the other religious beliefs.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

The ickiness continues...

I did a spot check on the kid's locker today.

What did I find. Well, her gym bag was thrown on the floor of her locker. Also on the floor (and not in the bag) were her gym clothes. And there were three half eaten lunches.

Yup. I talked to the teacher. I don't think there is anything he can do about this but I wanted to make sure he knew we were trying to stop the black plague from taking down her grade three class.

I suppose it could be worse - at least she isn't taking biology. There could have been a dissected pig fetus in there.

Hubby and I then had to come up with a punishment. I wanted something that fit the crime. I found the solution by thinking about what I would have hated at her age. We made her help with the garbage/recycling/dog poop cleanup.

This is definitely NOT HER FAVOURITE thing to do.

Later today we're going to spend part of our PD day together cleaning the garage. I'm expecting child services to visit us any day now.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Presents from the cat

Not actually my cat.
It seems we have (or had) a couple of mice in the house again. I know this because my husband had to dispose of two.

On Monday morning (at 5:15) we were woken by the cat shrieking in our bedroom. She was very excited. It could have meant she had a toy (she does love a good spring or elastic band) but she was breathing a little heavy. I got up and looked at the ground. Something was there and it didn't look like a spring.

I turned on the light and confirmed my suspicions. While hubby headed over to dispose of the corpse we realized it was alive. This was obvious when the cat bonked it on the head and it squeaked.

He drowned it. Although one of his coworkers thinks he should have cut off its head. That's too messy for me.

On Tuesday morning I went downstairs and discovered that same cat lying on the floor in front of the kid's bedroom door. The cat had decided to share her presents and bring a dead mouse for the kid. Incidentally, the kid thought that was awesome and was thrilled to be the beneficiary of such a gift. We were just glad this one was dead.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Teaching the kid to cook

The kid will eat broccoli quite happily now. All it takes is some nacho cheese. I figure since she likes to eat popcorn with nacho cheese at the theatre she'll surely love this vegetable. I even made her make it.

Now she's begging me to let her make it on weekends. Let's see how long this lasts. ;D

My bucket list

I'm always had a temperamental tummy. By the time I was turned two I knew about the Barf Bucket and could get it myself and use it with no assistance.

In my 35 years I have thrown up in lots of places. I'm lucky that way.

I recently crossed an important goal off my bucket list. I finally threw up in a taxi cab. And a New York cab at that! Now, that was super fun. In a not-at-all sort of way.

I'm just glad that I had bought the husband bagels before going to the airport. They were in a paper bag and they gave me a plastic bag for them too. That plastic bag didn't hold the bagels for long. I was sure my nausea was caused by the cab driving so quickly, stopping so suddenly and weaving in and out of traffic.

Turns out I actually was sick. I went to my parents house from the airport and the next afternoon the kid and I flew to Texas. And I got to use both of our barf bags. I used mine as we landed and had to use hers while we waiting to exit the plane. This was the first time I threw up on an airplane while not pregnant.

I had a bug of some sort. Luckily nobody else got it. And by day 3 of our vacation I was pretty much okay again. And I was fine on the plane home. The kid decided I must have had travelitis from travelling too much.

But, next time I got to New York City I am bringing barf bags in my purse.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Friday Night Fun

Remember when Friday nights used to involve fun?

Me neither. ;)

Last Friday night I spent the evening teaching the kid how to clean her bathroom. It was icky. For some reason there was soap running down the wall. And you couldn't see a reflection in the mirror clearly.

So now she can clean the bathroom. I particularly liked when she tried reverse psychology on me:

Kid: You mean I get to clean my bathroom all the time?
Me: Yes.
Kid: Yes! I love cleaning the bathroom!


Me: Well, it is your lucky day because cleaning your bathroom is now your job!

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Yup, that's my daughter

Last week I looked in the kid's knapsack. It was filled with junk. Torn pieces of paper, two sweatshirts, decomposing bits of past lunches. It was pretty gross.

Which got me thinking about her locker. So, the next day I dropped her off at school. But first we visited her locker - luckily, I remembered to bring some plastic bags.

I'm surprised I didn't find rodent droppings in her locker. There were several bags of leftovers from past lunches (rotting tangerines, leftovers from Lunch Lady, little bits of old pitas, etc...), several of her outfits, and lots of paper. It was a little smelly. And horrifying.

I'm not sure why there were so many clothes in her locker. After all, we send her to school fully dressed and she comes home fully dressed, but somehow there were a bunch of clothes in the locker. And they were all her clothes.

We cleaned her locker. Basically I threw everything out. Except for the clothes which went into the laundry.; And now she has been warned that I will be randomly checking her locker to make sure it wasn't gross.

I'm so glad that I had a locker partner when I was in school. It's probably the only reason why my locker didn't become a breeding ground for the zombie Apocalypse.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

My husband is the devil.

The kid doesn't have that many temper tantrums. Usually she is pretty content. But there has been a little more attitude lately and we decided that we weren't going to let it get out of hand.

I guess I am a glass half full kind of person.

After dinner, she wanted dessert. I had bought her some watermelon so I told her she could have that. She loves watermelon. However, it seems that fruit doesn't count as dessert. I disagreed. Eyes were rolled and feet were stomped. So, I told her that dessert was now off the menu.

She wasn't impressed. There was more attitude. So I sent her to bed. My husband decided it was only fair that he take a bit of the abuse so he dealt with the next round.

Neither of them would back down. So, she ended up losing Minecraft privileges for the weekend, she can't go out to play Pokemon on Sunday, can't play Munchkin or watch television. I think there were some other privileges she lost.

It was very hard to keep a straight face as she screamed in her room and yelled that we were ruining her life, Daddy is the devil, I hate you both, etc... Eventually she cried herself to sleep. Although not before she tried to blackmail us - she seemed to think that threatening to not stop screaming until we gave everything back would work.

It didn't. We aren't stupid. Or eight.

Regardless, the parents have won this round. She was happy to eat watermelon for dessert the next night.